Saturday, August 27, 2011

One Year, Holllller.

Wow, can I just start off by saying I cannot believe how fast a year really does fly bye! On August 27th, 2010 I made one of the hardest yet most fulfilling decisions I've ever had to make. I followed the example of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and was baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints & let me tell you, it's been on heck of a year. My interest in the Church first sparked during the summer 2009 when one of my best friends boyfriend left for his mission. I was baffled by how he could just leave for two years, getting paid nothing, having to pay himself to go knock on doors 6 days aweek. Who would do that? Then in November another one of my best friends left for his mission, I went to his talk where I met the missionaries for the first time. They asked if they could meet with me and I kindly declined, telling them I had my own church but I told them I'd come to church again with the Thornhill family, they took me on my offer and said see you next week. For about a month I worked all my magic to never have to talk to the missionaries after sacrament, I became a pro at dipping & dodging. You see I'm the type of person who has a hard time saying no to people who are so nice. But one Sunday when I was stuck in a pew they came up to me, asking if they could share a message with me sometime, I said sure why not. We had a meeting for that Friday.
    I joined the Church a little over a year from the first time I went to a sacrament meeting to my actual baptism, I originally had a baptism date for March but with everyone constantly feeding me different information, I knew I wasn't ready, so I backed out. I became a Christian in high school through a youth group called YoungLife and a church here in Tempe called Praxis, it was what I was all about, I loved both of those communities so much, they blessed me more than they will ever know. But just like a parent watching their child making a decision they don't agree with, my two communities weren't too thrilled about my decision to join the Mormon Church. A lot of people where confused, some angry, and some shocked at how "stupid" I was being, but I couldn't keep letting their remarks affect my decision.
    So, in July 2010 I secretly started meeting with the missionaries again, about only 4 people knew I as meeting with them....I wanted to figure this out for myself. After many lessons & thoughtful prayer, I knew this was something I wanted to do, and had to do. I told the missionaries I wanted to get baptized within in two weeks because I knew from prior experience the longer I waited, the more time Satan had to work on me. The whole baptism all I felt was so loved and so much happiness. You'd think life would be peachy after that but its been far from it.
    This year has brought many obstacles and trials but more importantly it has brought be great friendship, amazing conversation, and closer to my Savior. I can tell you I've wanted to give up a couple times, walk away, wish I made a different decision but Heavenly Father blessed me with friends who wouldn't let that happened. I've been on the worlds highest spiritual high but I've also felt the lowest of lows. I can even admit there has been a few tears. I'm not perfect, I don't want to be but I know with all my heart that this Church is perfect & my Savior is perfect. He is the perfect source of love, He is the perfect stream of mercy, He is the perfect example and for that, I am eternally grateful. I know my Heavenly Father knows me, He knows all my thoughts, my doubts, my concerns, my highs & lows, He created me. I am thankful for the knowledge I have of my Savior and I have never felt so close to Jesus as I do now, my love for the Lord continuously grows. Thank you for everyone who helped me through this journey and stuck by my side. You are deeply loved & greatly appreciated.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

The Plan....

After I'm healed from surgery
"the plan" will be in affect
& that's that.
Just you wait and see.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Beyond Blessed....

So, these past couple of days have been nothing but amazing & miraculous.
I went into surgery hoping for my will, but prepared for God's will,
whatever that may have been. It was the first time I felt like I fully gave
Heavenly Father my whole heart. 
I didn't know what to expect, I hoped for one thing but was ready for another.
All I can say is God is good, He is oh so good. 
Pre Surgery:
I received a blessing the night before my surgery from a couple
I truly do adore, admire & look up too. 
My amazing sister friend Katie Nelson told me a week before that Bryson(her hubby)
would be more than happy to give me a blessing. 
You see I usually keep to myself when it comes to personally things,
I've never been the type to open up but being with these two,
I felt at peace in my heart, I knew I could trust them.
As I went over to the Nelson's, I hung out with Katie in the living room, waiting for Bryson,
he was getting into his suit. It was so so so comforting to see how serious he takes
holding the priesthood, peace over came me.
Bryson, Katie & I talked for awhile;
it was so good, I was calm. 
That blessing is something I keep close to my heart, 
it was beyond amazing, it was so comforting, & it is so sacred to me. 
I am beyond thankful & blessed for Katie & Bry in my life!

Post Surgery:
The first thing I asked when I woke up;
"Did they save my ovary?"
"Yes, yes they did"
*insert weird, crazy, awkward, anesthesia crying*
My God is so good, He is oh so good.
It was beyond a miracle if you ask me.
This whole time, I was told the cyst was growing in/on the ovary,
when the doctor went in, it wasn't even touching my ovary,
it was slightly attached my fallopian tube.
I have never felt so close to my Heavenly Father than I have right now,
my testimony has never been stronger,
the Spirit has never been so apparent to me until this trial
& these are feelings I never want to lose.
I know my Heavenly Father knows me,
He knows everything about me.
My Savior died on the cross to feel the pain I felt,
but He rose from the grave & felt the joy I felt when I woke up from surgery.
He lives, I know He lives, I testify of that! 
I love my Heavenly Father &  He loves me. 
I am blessed. 
I have been so humbled by this experience.
Thank you to all who stuck by my side.
You are loved, you are so very deeply loved. 

Monday, August 15, 2011

Wednesday is The Day.....

So, I've been sick for a while, nothing life threatening but some
pretty heavy stuff. Basically I have a tumor/cyst growing on my ovary.
This is nothing new to me, I had the same thing happen when I was 17,
except that tumor was 10 inches big
and completely took over my ovary.
Down one ovary.
Fast forward two years, I'm the lucky 10-15% where the cyst reappears,
but now on my other ovary. 
For the last three months we've been tyring
everything to stop what seems inevitable,
So on Wednesday I'll be going in surgery
trying to remove the cyst without taking my last ovary.
My doctor said;
"You have to ready when you wake up to not have a ovary."
Thoughts started running through my head;
"Why me?"
"What did I do wrong?"
"I will never be able to have my own child."
"Who's going to marry a woman who can't have kids?"
"Whatever I did I'll fix it, I won't do it again."
"I will never hear my child's heartbeat."
"God....I'm sorry."

I think of how undeserving I am of God's grace,
yet He continues to pour it out to me.
I think of all the times I've sinned against my God,
but still, He loves me unconditionally.
I think of all the pain I cause my Savior
only for Him to show me mercy. 
Through these trials and obstables
I have never felt the love of my Heavenly Father so apparent as I do right now.
I know He knows me.
He knows every little thing about me.
He knows my fears, my joys, my trials,
He knows how many hairs are on my head.
He created me, every part of me.
& I am so grateful for that knowledge, for that truth.
The atonement is beautiful, & so is our Savior.
Because of the cross, Jesus FEELS everything I am going through right now.
He understands & for that, I am blessed. 
I am oh so blessed.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

I'm So Thankful....

I sometimes sit and wonder why,
why does Heavenly Father bless me with the most amazing friends.
I am far from deserving.
But with the people He has blessed me with
I could never deny His love & care for His children.
I am so thankful for all the people 
He has blessed me with.
I am loved, so so loved. 

Monday, August 1, 2011

My Father Is...

I am loved, so deeply deeply loved.
My heart rejoices in this divine romance.